Church Conference, 'Victory'. Day one.

So my church has this annual conference about this time of the year, with its other three centres around Melbourne:
-Waverley centre (Me)
-Darebin centre (Coincedentally the suburb it was held in)
-City centre (The centre that hosted it)
-Frankston centre (I got nothing to say)

Today at school...meh. Went to the city with my mum and brother (my sister was 'sick' what a phony. A GREAT BIG PHONY!!) to meet my dad in the city for dinner. The place we were going to go was closed so I had to go without dinner.

When we got to the place, (Darebin Town Hall) I noticed and appreciated the olden architecture. I really like that stuff. The cement, the wood. It's so nice!

So I walked in and sat down.

Throughout the first half of the night I realised my entire youth group (except for Ying) didn't come along. Then I questioned myself, "Why am I here?"

I looked at the booklet I was given titled "Triumph" with the main theme of "Victory". "Over what?" I hear myself asking myself. Let's assume, for these purposes, Christianity is 'true' or 'correct'. Is the end times HERE and we are victorius? If so, over what? Satan? Weren't we victorius like two milleniums ago?

And if not end times, then what? Well I guess the next ten sessions would answer my questions. Too bad I fell asleep. Maybe I was tired (poor sleep), maybe I was hungry (next to no food the whole day), maybe I was bored (Nobody there with me), maybe I had lost interest (maybe....). So I got up and left the room.

I left the building too.

Looking down a street of Melbourne City, I had a revelation.
It sprung up from this red cathedral-looking building I saw. Not firetruck red, but maroon-ish bricks. You know, with the steeples and the windows and the walls...well anyway. I thought to myself, if I gave myself my whole lifetime. I could never build that. To gather all the materials, plan it out and build it. I'm probably can't even do it with a group.

Look at how many more buildings there are. Look at the shop strip. I could get a couple of part time jobs on each shop and live off the money off that. I wouldn't, of course. Or maybe I could own a my own small business there and live in an apartment. How depressing. My whole life confined in that small area. I would hate that. Well it would depend. And this is where the depressing feeling came in.

What do I want out of life? Like really. Do I want to leave my house and live in the city or move to another country/city? Do I want to study elsewhere (Probably not).

What priorities am I going to give my future?
-Work
-Dreams/Goals
-Romance
-Money
-Convenience
-Religion
-Friends
-Family

So many factors....I never really think about these things. :/ Well I do, but it's just a daydream of grey haze, not really meaningful thinking. Well rarely, if any.

*sigh* So depressing....=[

Blegh. And this is meant to be a victorius church conference. I guess the revelation was just suddenly realising how big the world is and how significant I am.

I went inside again and went to the kids area where I just did nothing but help get down helium balloons from the roof and give it back to the 5/6 year old kiddies to play with until they let it go again. :/

Then the session ended and there was supper. The nachos were soggy, the breadsticks were burnt, the rest was nice I guess.

Damn, I just made this post depressing. >_>

I suck so much,
I'm going to end it soon.

Not my life, although at the time of the revelation I felt like dying. I didn't feel like killing myself, that would be too inconvenient. But I felt like just blinking out of existance. I blinked. Nothing happened. I guess that's a sign I was meant to exist. I've dealt with depression before, so it shouldn't be so hard getting over this, it's just really inconvenient right now. I really don't want it now. Any other time, just not now. You suck depressing feelings.

Yeah, I actually meant the post - I'm going to end it soon.

I'm so NOT looking forward to going tomorrow. Eight sessions. I thoroughly regret signing up. But hey! Maybe I'm blind and the victorious will let me TRIUMPH over these depressing feelings. Pfft.

I'm going to bed. Oh wait, I'm already in bed.

I'm going to youtube.

Goodnight.